KAAFI RANDOM : OCTOBER SESSION

It's been a while since I reviewed the last book! Does it also happens with you that you were kind off above average in writing during your school days but now as you moved past your school self, suddenly you do not know how to do that anymore!?? Or for that matter has it become difficult to hold on to those favourite hobbies of yours?? Happens with me as well quite often. Another thing I find myself into is being super critical of myself. I have been told that happens with most of the adults as they enter into 20's. In all honesty, I sat with the laptop with an intent of writing another review of a book which was read a while back but seeing how and where the words are going at the moment, I sort off would like to go with the flow and will see how far I can go with all this random 'bakar' . So yes continuing with what I mentioned earlier, there are quiet a few things that I find not relatable between the person I was in school and the kind of person that I am now. Guess this what is called adulting. 

I was 26 maybe 25 years old when I first read the word 'Adulting', on instagram obviuosly. (so late! I know right!! and no not exaggerating at all!!) I initially thought this might be the word to describe a certain feeling , you know how there's always a word for everything nowadays! it doesn't even have to sound like a word. Definition of words has also changed (maybe will keep changing) with time is what I think. For example, you can smell a word, can touch a word better still get an instant image of what is being described to you! for instant take a word 'gooey'! I hope you get a picture because halfway into writing it I am realising what a sorry job I am doing with all that explaining. I mean I knew what I wanted to say, what sort of examples I wanted to use, but obviously when I need something my Brain decides to open a new tab with no context whatsoever and when I want it to go to that particular tab which opened itself at wrong time again, it's time for a whole new tab!!! So on and so forth. In short now there are so many words even the ones that actually do not make any sense but convey exactly what you wanted to all the same.

So yup I got distracted earlier but yes I thought adulting is a feeling, like there will be some sign, an alarm like thing that will go off inside me to let me know that yup babe now you are in 'Adulting' mode. Took me time to realise nope it is something entirely different, sort of a process and nobody knows what they are doing, they just do with whatever they know. This is something that you absolutely cannot escape nor there is any 'How to do adulting' manual available. Wish there was one!! I for one believes that the older generation cannot be blamed as well. I mean, I think it is pretty much unfair to them. Because if everyone's doing what they know the best then how do we know who did the best? As in what I wanted to say here was we can always look upto them as an example, in guidance sort of way and then find our own way of winging it. This might sound like it but no not coming in defense of the previous generation nor I want to sound all cocky that I belong to priviledged class of people who have nice set of parents/elders. (You never know who you are offending so it is good to be on the safe side! also anything bad is bad be it habbits or parents/elders and that is something entirely different). I am of the opinion that nobody can right someone's wrong and all that can be done is learning and unlearning in order to figure out what is the better way.

As you grow old you realise there is not clear cut definition of  most of the things that happen to us. Everything is subjective. What is trivial for you for instance, might mean something super important to others and vice versa. There is nothing absolute, everything is in grey area, every person that we interact becomes neither this nor that, little bit of everything like 'jaljeera'. We start to notice things, many things sometimes acutely to the point of overthinking and sometimes we fail to do the same. Random thoughts starts taking shape!Thoughts regarding self-worth, subconscious mind and other random things for instance. 

Another word that they use is 'Maturity' and this too like many other things is not age bound. I have met 10 years old who seem more mature that 50-60 years old. Might seem like I am pushing a propaganda but I personally belive that apart from basic sense and baseline maturity nothing else should be expected from people in their 20's and 30' as we are still in the process of eveolving, learing and unlearning. We are still in the process of figuring out what makes sense and what doesn't so yes please excuse us (sincere request).

Everything comes slowly, then all at once, things start to make sense, clarity starts to come after a brain fog/mind block and somehow we eventually manage. Everyday starts becoming easier, tolerable and acheiveable. We start finding time for old hobbies again. Joy in simple things and also in small and sweet things are found again. Coversations become do able. We find our people. Priorities starts taking shape. Boundaries are being formed again.Taking everything with a pinch of salt starts to make sense. Everything starts to fall in a routine. Pressure, stress, anxiety, fear of going from one day to another continue to lurk in bylanes but become manageable. Thoughts become coherant. Sleep becomes better. Habits starts to improve. The list of 'how things are starting to make sense' is endless but yeah you get the point. The light at the end of tunnel starts to become visible.

I guess even though it took me a while but now I know how and what (even though in bits and pieces) of what this 'Adulting' stuff is anyway. I am not an expert or anything but I do know this for a fact that if joy can be found in smallest and simplest of things, then similarly taking that one step, no matter how small it is towards that one thing that takes you closer to that light is a feat, an acheivement itself. Go pat your back! 

That will be all I guess. I will get going for now. I now want to eat something. Happens always after every thought dump. It is nice sometimes, maybe better this way for writing here or otherwise journaling is the only thing that gives me control (I sort of feel it always), there's no one interrupting or piggyback on my thought. Anyways even I did not know today will be so random. Next time there will definitely be a book review. 

Hope I did not confuse you!

Until next time.